Sm:)e Box - 3

Name: Smile Box

Post No. - 3

Number of Jokes - 34 Jokes per post

Stumble into the lighter side of life with delightful humor and laughter. Sharing you this bunch of jokes from around. Hope you like it.

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1)

On a flight, a guy asked a beautiful lady sitting next to him.



GUY:  Nice perfume.....which one is it? I want to gift it to my wife..!!

LADY: Don't give her....some idiot will find an excuse to talk to her..!!
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2)

A letter from a teacher to a parent:

TEACHER: Kumar doesn't smell nice in class. Please try to bath him.

PARENTS: Dear Teacher, Kumar is not a rose, Dont smell him,Teach him.
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3)

MOM: Who is Tippu Sultan?

SON: Don't know.

MOTHER: Sometime give attention to study also.

SON: Do you know Chinky Aunty?

MOTHER Don't know.

SON: Sometimes give attention to Dad also.
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4)

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Mom and Dad were fighting.

TEACHER: So what makes you late if they were fighting?

STUDENT: One shoe was in mom's hand and one in dad's..
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5)

GIRL: What's the price of Galaxy?

SALESMAN: Rs.18,000/-

GIRL: OMG

GIRL: and iphone?

SALESMAN: OMG + OMG + OMG
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6) Wife : I hate that beggar.
Husband : Why ?
Wife : Rascal, yesterday
I gave him food today he gave me a book
How to Cook !!!
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7)

Husband came home drunk. To avoid wife's scolding, he took a laptop and started working.

WIFE: Did u drink

HUSBAND: No

WIFE: Idiot then why are you typing on suitcase.
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8)

Five year old son after reading story of a king.

SON: Mom, I also want 5 wives.....one will cook, one will sing, one
will bathe me.......

MOM: ...and one will put you to sleep.

SON: ..no Mom, I will still sleep with you.
Mom's eyes filled up with tears ... God bless you son!

MOM: But who will sleep with your five wives.

SON: Let them sleep with daddy
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears... God bless you son!
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9)

WIFE: Shall I prepare Sambar or Rasam today .

HUSBAND: First make it, we will name it later.
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10)

A frustrated husband in front of his laptop.

Dear google, please do not behave like my wife...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing &
suggesting.
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11)

A married man's prayer.

Dear God, you gave me childhood, you took it away.
You gave me youth, you took it away.
You gave me a wife.......... its been years now.
JUST REMINDING YOU

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12)

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.
His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

WIFE: My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! Why the hell did you bring him home for?

HUSBAND: Because he's thinking of getting married.
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13)

HUSBAND: I found Aladin's lamp today.

WIFE: Wow, what did you ask for darling?

HUSBAND: I asked him to increase your brain ten times.

WIFE: Oh..Jaan..love you so much. Did he do that?

HUSBAND: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.
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14)

EMPLOYEE: Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home?

BOSS: I am a lion at home too, But Goddess Durga sits on the lion there !
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15)

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for six months.

Was the necklace FAKE?

Nooooo! That was the deal.
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16)

A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served,.

HUSBAND: The food looks delicious, let's eat.

WIFE: Honey.....you say prayer before eating at home.

HUSBAND: That's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook.
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17)

POLICE: Are you married?

SADAR: Yes, with a woman.

POLICE (angrily): Of course! Did you even hear of anyone marrying a man?

SADAR: Yes, my sister did....!!!
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18)

A guy was baptized and dipped in water three times. After the third dip, the Priest said, "You are now baptized, you are a new creation. The old one is gone, no more drinking of alcohol for you. Your
new name is Gomes."

Gomes went back home and headed straight for the fridge. He took a Kingfisher Beer, dipped it in water three times and said, "You are now a new creation, the old one is gone. Your new name is Green Tea!".
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19)

An old farmer wrote a letter to his innocent son from prison:
“This year I’m unable to plant potatoes because I can’t dig the ground.”

Son replied:
“You idiot, don’t dig the ground, I have hidden the guns there.”

Police read the letter, next day the ground was dug by the police, searched for guns but nothing was found.

Son wrote again:
“Now plant your potatoes dad, its the best I could do from here.”

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20)

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married.

He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."

The mother agrees and the next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while.

The son then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."

Mother immediately replies, "The one in the middle."

The son was surprised that his mother was so easily able to guess the correct woman, the son asked, "How do you know?!"

The mother replies, "I don't like her!".

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21)

A guy is on his final question to WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE.

And the question was,
"Which bird does not make a nest?" and the options are:
1. Sparrow
2. Swallow
3. Blackbird and
4. Cuckoo"

The guy is not sure so he calls his girldfriend.

Girlfriend answers, “Stupid, its obviously a Cuckoo, 100%."

And the guy wins.


Later the guy calls his girlfriend, “How the hell did you know that, honey? I must say you have got more brain then I credit you for.”

And the sweet thing is she replies, “Well, you idiot. Coukoo lives in a clock na!”

The guy is still in coma.
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22)

A Catholic Priest was dying in a hospital and asked the doctor to call a POLICE officer and a POLITICIAN. Within minutes, the two appeared. He asked them to sit on either side of the bed. The priest held their hands and kept quiet.

The guys were so touched and at the same time felt very important for being summoned by a priest in his dying moment.

Out of anxiety, the politician asked, ''But why did you call us?"

The priest gathered all his strength and said, “Jesus died between two thieves....I want to go the same way!!!!!”


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23)

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked at the door….a lady opened it. Before she could speak the salesman rushed into the living room and emptied a bag of cow dung on the carpet.

SALESMAN: Madam, if I couldn't clean this up in the next three minutes with my new powerful vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this!!

LADY: Do you need Chili Sauce with that?

SALESMAN: Why Madam?

LADY: Because there's no electricity in the house...!!!

MORAL: "Gather all resources before working on any project and committing
to the client... & over smartness can be deadly."
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24)

An Indian in the US suffered a heart attack on the road and was picked up by an ambulance. Being religious, he kept repeating - Hari Om, Hari Om, Hari Om.

When the ambulance pulled into his home, his wife came out and screamed to the paramedics: "Why didn't you take him straight to the hospital?"

They replied, "Because he kept saying Hurry home Hurry home Hurry home!"
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25)

1st Son: Master in Economics

2nd Son: M.B.A

3rd Son: PhD

4th Son: Thief

NEIGHBOR: Why can’t you throw the 4th son out of your house?

FATHER: His the only one who is earning. The rest are unemployed.
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26)

INTERVIEWER: If Earth rotates 30 times faster, what will happen?

CANDIDATE: We will receive our salary daily.
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27)

MING: Results are out come we will go and see.

MONG: Am with my dad. You please see mine and text me. If I fail in one subject say, “Good morning to you”. If I fail in two say, “Good moring to you and your dad”.

Later on message came:
“Good morning to you and your family...and your neighbors too.”
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28)

Did you know history of Women’s Day?

Initially Women’s Day was planned on 6th of March.
Women took two days to get ready. That’s how it got postponed to 8th March.

Man’s Day was also planned but as usual, they forgot the date.
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29)

One man to another in a party: Meet my wife Tanya.

2nd MAN: Ya, I know her.

1st MAN: How..?

2nd MAN: We were caught many a times sleeping together.

1st MAN : Wat??? (angrily).... What the hell you are talking..??

2nd MAN: During lectures in science and history classes.We were classmates.

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30)

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won't tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The kids were eager to know what the meat was on their plates, so they begged their dad for the clue.

Well, he said, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."

The little girl screams to her brother, "Don't eat, don't eat, it's an asshole..."
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31)

TEACHER: Varun, answer me. What do you wanna be when you grow up?

VARUN: Teacher, I wish to become a very rich man. My business should be in all major cities. I should buy a big bungalow. I will always travel by air. Wherever I go into should stay in Five Star hotels. There should be minimum 10 servants to take care of my needs. I should own the costliest car. I should have the costliest diamond.

TEACHER: Stop Varun. Students, henceforth you should not give such lengthy answer. Please reply in a sentence. Ok. Now you tell me Pooja. What do you want to be?

POOJA: Varun's wife
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32)

A Plane is on its way to Chandigarh, when Gurpreet in Economy Class gets up, and moves to the First Class section and sits down. The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket she then tells Gurpreet, that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in
the back.

Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."
The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a Sardarni sitting in first class, that belongs in economy, and won't move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to Gurpreet and tries to explain that because she only paid for economy she will have to leave and return to her seat.

Gurpreet replies, "I’m Sardarni, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chandigarh and I’m staying right here."
The co-pilot tells the pilot.

The pilot says, "You say she is a sardarni? I'll handle this; I’m married to a sardarni. I speak sardar's language."

He goes back to Gurpreet  and whispers in her ear, and she says, "Oh, I’m sorry." 

She gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss.

"I told her, First Class is Not Going to Chandigarh."

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33)

A lady is driving for the first time on an expressway.

Husband calls on her mobile & says, "Be careful. It's just been on the radio, that some one is driving opposite to the traffic on the expressway.."

She replies, "Someone......?? These rascals are in hundreds.!!!"
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34)

Manager cracks joke. Everyone in the team laughs except One.

MANAGER: Didn’t you understand?

ONE: I resigned yesterday.
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Posted in: Sm:)e Box